Thursday, April 2, 2015

Writing for Myself

First and foremost, I am a reader. I love words and I love the way people can string them together to make meaning. When I first began, it took a long time for me to see what the appeal was but it snuck up on me slowly, until one day, I couldn't image an Amber without books nearby. It didn't take long after that to realize that reading was simply not enough for me anymore, that my stories are just as important to me as the ones told by my favorite authors. The difference was that mine had yet to be told.

There is one issue that I face above all when it comes to writing though. I write for the reactions. It's not necessarily a bad thing, I don't think, but it definitely puts the pressure on me to perform well. I don't want to waste my time with something that I won't share with the world. One of the most important factors for me is that it will make my audience feel something. I don't care if it's frustration, or anger, or love, or anything. It's just empowering to know that I'm capable of influencing people's thoughts like that.

It all sounded good to me until I boiled it down a little more and considered how my thought process was really affecting me and my work. Suddenly, I built a wall of expectations that I forced myself to hurdle every time I picked up a pen. It wasn't fair to me that every word has to be perfect or have a purpose. It wasn't fair that I need to make sure there is foreshadowing and metaphors and literary devices galore. It wasn't fair that I'd forgotten how to write for myself.

The first story I ever finished was about three elves in Santa's workshop trying to stop a Christmas disaster. The first story I ever shared with the internet was a cheesy Harry Potter fan fiction (that for some reason seems to be doing quite well right now, considering I wrote it about five years ago). And lately, almost everything I write has gone unfinished or has disappointed me beyond measure. This is unacceptable. High standards are one thing, but I know I'm not writing shit and I'm acting like it is.

So that's why I have commenced writing a Peter Pan fan fiction - literally the opposite of everything serious I've been doing lately. There doesn't need to be anything in it except for my humor and thoughts and everything I ever wanted to happen to Peter. Also, Hook could really use a love interest, and if it happens to look and act like me, then who am I to complain? I'm writing for myself right now and none of my ridiculous expectations are going to bar me from that. I'm actually going to embrace every typo and grammar mistake I make and it feels liberating. 

And yes, Hook is going to be an exact clone of Colin O'Donoghue.

And yes, Peter and Wendy are most definitely going to be together forever.


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